The Dolphin Report

By Ron Poltorack


I can not only admit that I was fooled, but I couldn’t deny it if I wanted to. It was only a couple of days ago that I wrote: “Thanks to the media’s ridiculous urge to create stories rather than merely report them, the media focus will continue to be whether Saban is going to leave for the Alabama job (he clearly won’t) and whether Huizenga will sell the team (he certainly won’t either). Both of these are non-stories that were contrived by the media.”

When I wrote that piece, I firmly believed it. And it was believable. After all, the Fictator (yes, I have already coined a new nickname for hiim) had done his best to portray himself as an honest country bompkin whose daddy taught him right from wrong. And well, the press is the press, so it was a natural mistake to believe that Saban was telling the truth. But, as the old saying goes, fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. The Fictator will never fool me again.

On November 27, the Fictator said: “I’m not interested in any other circumstance or situations anyplace else. This is the challenge I wanted. I had a good college job, so why would I have left that if I was going to be interested in another colllege job.”

On December 3, the Fictator said: “I’m not going to continue to respond to rumors and innuendo, which this obviously is. I’m committed to a group of guys here and a football team and a football staff, and we’re working hard to get this season right. It really challenges your professionalism and integrity to even talk about it.”

On December 7, the Fictator said: “They called [my agent] and said, ‘Is Nick interested?’ and [he] said ‘No.’ And [he] asked me on several occasions and I said, ‘No, I’m interested in staying here.’”

On December 11, the Fictator said: “I have no intentions of going anywhere. I’ve addressed this enough. When does this become a dead story?”

On December 21, the Fictator said: “I’m not going to be the Alabama coach. I should’t even have to comment on this. I think I’ve said this over and over again. What they do with their position is their business.”

On January 3, the Fictator announced that he had resigned as head coach of the Miami Dolphins and that he had accepted the job as head coach of the Alabama Crimson TIde. With his credibility having been revealed for what it is, perhaps he is really gong to FIU instead of Alabama and he just wanted his hate mail forwarded to the wrong place! Who knows? You can’t really take him at face value now, can you?

Yes, there will undoubtedly be some spin placed upon the events of the last 5 weeks by Saban and his apologists. Take your pick: (a) he meant what he said all along, but he changed his mind after the season ended; (b) his wife made him do it; (c) he wanted long-term security and he thought he would get fired when 2007 did not go any better than 2006; (d) he just got a new medical report on Daunte Culpepper saying that he would never be able to evade a pass rush again; or (e) all of the above.

MY belief is that the answer is simple: The Fictator is just a snake. And he is the worst kind of snake, too. He’s the kind of snake that first makes everyone believe he is a pussy cat! That kind of snake is the most dangerous. If you know you are dealing with a snake, then you can protect yourself. If you think you are dealing with a pussy cat, then you think there is no need to protect yourself, until it is too late.

There is no explanation which takes the Fictator out of the vicious snake category. No explanation makes him into an honest person. Any explanation leaves him where we have found him: as a liar.

I have no quarrel with the Fictator wanting to accept the Alabama job. I have no quarrel with anyone moving on to accept a better position or one that the person believes is better for him. I am not even sad that the 15-17 Fictator is gone. However, I am VERY angry at his pack of lies, at his senseless and prolonged collection of untruths, and at the way he portrayed himself as a victim of the media’s unprofessional conduct in berating him about what he insisted was “rumor and innuendo” when in point of fact it was true all the time. As Arthur Miller once wrote: “Is the accuser always so holy?” My anger stems solely from what the Fictator said. Sorry, Nick, there will be no pardon here, after all, Gerry Ford is gone! In the final analysis Saban is a bold-faced liar, period, end of quote.

In the fictators’s own words (see above quote from November 27), “I had a good college job, so why would I have left that if I was going to be interested in another colege job?” Here is my belief why. My belief is that the Fictator wanted out because he understood that he did not have a long-term future in Miami; that he would be squeezed out after (or perhaps even during the 2007 season when his third year on the Dolphins’ sideline failed once again to bring any meaningful change in the direction of the team. So he bailed out to avoid the disgrace of being fired. So he bailed out to avoid being fired at a time when the Alabama job would already be taken. Never mind telling the truth, never mind fussing about credibility when lying can be used as a negotiating tool. From what is being reported, he is getting everything he wanted from Alabama. He might not have doen so well on November 27! He had to lie; he had to say he was not interested in any other job; he had to raise the stakes.

But, I’m starting to se a pattern here. Didn’t he play hard to get with the NFL until he got whatever he wanted from Wayne Hiuzenga? A huge contract? A huge budget for assistants? A practice bubble? Now that you mention it that was how he played his hand when he was being lured out of the college ranks to the pros.

Hmmmm, I am seeing a pattern here . . . so watch out Tide, you may have gotten exactly what you apparently bargained for: a liar! The Fictator may have fooled me once, but I won’t let him fool me again.

Thanks to the Fictator all Dolfans (regardless if they first root for the Canes, the Gators or the Seminoles) now have a new second favorite college team, that is, whoever is playing the Crimson Tide!

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